My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
