just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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