I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
