uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
