Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
