Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
