The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
