He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
