The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
