she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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