I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
