I wish my penis had an off switch
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
