I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
