if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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