Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
