Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
