There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
