I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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