I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i came on her dog
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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