brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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