he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
being pregnant is like rehab
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
