you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
