I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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