Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
