I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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