So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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