Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize