On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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