Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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