well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
