Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
