i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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