had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
