sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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