I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
