I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
