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Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
