There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
