Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
