True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
