WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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