I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
