nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize