Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
