I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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