I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
