So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
