I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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