That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
