As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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