watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
