the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
