It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
