Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
