OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
