my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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