I'm really into asian looking animals
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
