i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
