I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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