i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
