dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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