What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
