what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
