I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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