i don't like sucking hair
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
